And I'm back, after a short hiatus.
Things haven't been so smooth for me. For the first time I'm feeling really lost, without a real sense of direction. Other than my course, which is another sad story, I didn't know what to expect next or have something to look forward to. The utter lack of discipline, unable to concentrate, to study and work on my course assignment is also another major headache. Before the course started I thought when it did I will finally have something to work hard in, but it isn't easy at all. Procrastinating like hell, giving up countless of times. Please, let me find determination, strength and focus.
Time traveling machine. I wanted to write about this topic a few posts back but somehow didn't. Thought I would save it for another time and I guess the time is now. You know, I have always really really wanted to go back to the past and either relive it or do something differently to change what happened. So I just so happened to saw this movie on the tv one day and after the show my thoughts of traveling back to the past were gone. The show made me realised that even if there is a chance for me to alter the past, I won't know how it might affect the present. I always believe that things will get better if I managed to change things of the past but who knows the good things I have now in my life might be different or worst, completely gone because of the changes that happened. After the show I really felt that maybe being able to go back to the past and change things might not be such a good idea after all and I really should appreciate all the good things that I have now. Saw a line somewhere that kinda says, forget the past, don't worry about the future, enjoy the present while you can. Makes a lot of sense but its really impossible for me to do so.
Fast forward to a few days back, I stumbled upon some old email exchanges with an important friend in poly. The emails were really lengthy but reading them brought me back to then and all those happy memories. A few days before that, my mum suddenly asked me which phase in life was I the most happy. I couldn't answer. I kinda thought about that question before actually, comparing poly to uni, primers to council. But had no definite answer which was better cause of the different length of time of each period, the age I was with the different mentality and all the things that happened. But after reading through the emails I had with that friend, I guess that was the answer. Which brought me back to the thinking again of, what if I can go back in time and do something differently or even simply reliving it. I guess everything that happened in poly really made me who I am now, being really appreciative of the smallest things and the people around me because you never know what can happen the next moment. Though sometimes it seems like too much of a good thing isn't that good.
Alright back to chucking these old memories behind and focus on the present instead. The best has yet to come and let's hope that the best will be coming soon.