18th May
Rainy day
Dear blog,
POC just ended yesterday. Somehow there's so much difference between last year's and this year's.
I told paul the other time, I don't know what's the difference is but I just felt totally different this year compared to last year right from the first meeting. The planning stage and during the camp itself, all felt so different. And I don't know if its considered being promoted or not, from being assistant camp commander to group leader but I guess its a totally different role.
The first night when I was lying on the bed, it suddenly dawned on me that the role of group leader is a really REALLY tough one. When something affects u and u can't show it out but to continue being a fun loving and ever so high group leader, the feeling really sucks. It really do. Whats more when u have 4 5 issues affecting u at the same time. I have to say, it was the worst POC experience for me personally.
But still, I did have my fair share of enjoyment too. Having fun with my group during the camp and especially the last night, getting so high and everyone dancing like crazy together. I really enjoyed myself at that time. It was also at that time that the issues seems to be ok for that moment, just for that moment.
So fast its been a year already since I started my journey in Primers, planning the first event POC. Now after a year later I'm part of the committe again but this time its about the end of my journey in Primers, at least for exco. Primers award night is just this thursday already when our batch of exco "graduate". Whether or not I'll continue staying till the end after that I really don't know. I know I want to but I don't know if I'm able to carry on without being affected by things that will happen. We'll see how things goes.
Anyways I'll most probably post up pictures of the past few events in the next entry and maybe talk about how things are. I hope everything will be ok by then.
Ben.
10 May
Rainy day
Dear blog,
I guess quite many people are reading actually, and there might be more people which I don't know of that are reading too. But still, I'm going to write as if I'm the only one reading. Afterall all these are for me to read and think back and reminisce the past.
I was typing this entry since friday night, saturday night and from this morning till now. I have alot to say actually but somehow I can't seem to type out exactly what I want to say. I don't know if things are going well for me right now cause it seems it is but yet it seems it isn't too.
I feel I've been a asshole lately. I keep doing stupid stuff that hurt other people and in a way also hurting myself. I don't want to run away from the problem already but I still always tend to do that. It really sucks to be feeling this way, it really do.
I guess just like what she said, she was right. That I'm still too young to handle my emotions.
Ben.
2 May
Cloudy day
Dear blog,
let's talk about the holidays that was just over a few weeks ago.
I had attachment during this holiday and the experience was kinda great. I still remembered how nervous I was on the first day of work thinking how will be my company be and I didn't expect that my company turned out to be so good. I calculated I worked for around 5 weeks after subtracting the number of days I "work from home" and the half days and off days I had. And I still get paid, fully. Yes, my supervisor and colleagues were that nice. Also, I have to say this attachment kinda brought the class more closer, especially Lionel, Kay and me. Most of the class met up for dinner on 3 occasions after work and Lionel, Kay, Jocelyn, Kaiwei and me met up for lunch every other day since we were working around the same area.
Talking about meeting up, its been quite a fruitful holiday for me as I made an effort to meet up with friends during this period of time. If I'm not wrong this is the most number of friends I met up in a holiday. Be it old friends that I haven seen for quite some time, or poly friends that matters. It really feels good to see them again.
Let's talk about school which has started for 2 weeks already.
Time flies so fast that we're in year 3 already, and soon we'll be graduating. No doubt we are starting to feel the stress already with a year long project and other sort of projects. But I guess this is all part of being a final year student. I also went back to gyming recently since I figured its about time to start training for napfa. And even though the last time I really gym was a year and a half ago, I felt that the training wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I hope I can stay constant for the rest of the year. Which also applies to basketball.
I was kinda bothered about certain stuff a few days back, and still is. But being the usual me running away from problems, I guess right now I just want to focus on studies(haha), gym and basketball and stuff I'm doing in Primers. I don't want to think about other stuffs, I try not to cause I'm feeling kinda tired.
The next few weeks will be very busy, with so much stuff going on. I just hope that everything will turn out well.
And I just realised its May already.
Ben.
