Just a normal and simple blog

20 June

Sunny day

Dear blog,
It seems like there's so many things happening that I haven't even talk about it yet and there's progress already. Nevertheless, I'm still going to say what I wanted to say a few weeks ago, a few days ago.

I still don't get why things have to happen the way its happening. Not only a recent death but why I STILL tend to run away whenever I encounter problems that I cannot solve at that moment. I hate it when things always becomes this way, that I have to distance myself away. I told myself time and time again that this is not the solution even though I always feel it is. I'm still trying to get back 2 people that I kinda lost but yet another one has to appear. I kept trying to find a chance to talk to the other 2 but I always can't get the words out whenever there's a chance. I tried to try.

Ok, so I typed that some weeks ago. And now things are getting better, I guess. We're trying to fix whatever that has happened but I don't know if things will get back to how it was before. I guess to me relationships is just like glass. Once u drop it will break, and no matter how u try to fix it there will forever be a crack there. Whereas for the other 2. One, I said what I wanted to say but there was no reaction. The other one, I know there will be reaction but I didn't said what I want to say. I can't cause I know if I did it will all go back to square one, which I guess is not a good thing for the both of us. But at least I know that I tried, I really did.

Its kinda ironic, that on one hand I'm saying that things will never be the same as before and on the other hand I wish that everything can get back to how it was before. But I guess I know and I should really put it in my head that life goes on no matter what happens, one can't remain in the past where its no more.

Something happened a few days ago which I guess affected me a little. Told Kay and Lionel about it and they feel the same way as I did. Even though I wasn't really serious, at least I think I wasn't, I don't deny that I felt something during the whole time. But anyways that same night something good happened. I always believe in the saying, when god closes one door for u, he'll open up another one.

I was thinking whenever I feel like shit is it because of me and what I did, or is it them. I really don't know.

I guess human and human relationship is a really funny thing.

Ben.

I don't know how to start.

In the morning I saw 2 missed call from Dicky. I got a feeling something was wrong so I called him back. He told me Dixon met with a motorbike accident and passed away. When I heard that, I started to feel as if its that very faithful day almost a year ago again.

U know, a few days back I was just thinking about Xing Zong. Its going to be his one year death anniversary soon, 26 July. And then, Dixon's accident happened. I start to wonder why things have to happen the way its happening. I thought I had already learnt the lesson to appreciate every single moment I have with people I really treasure. But why does it have to happen again? It seems not really fair to take away 2 friends within the time span of a year, it really isn't. And again the feeling really sucks.

I went to the funeral just now to see Dixon for one last time. When I was looking at him lying peacefully in the coffin, I suddenly remember the times during sec1 and 2. I still remember we bought a pokemon deck for him for his birthday and he would play with us even though he don't seems like a person who plays pokemon card. He wasn't a bad person at all, cause I can see good in him.

And even though we didn't talk much after secondary school, I was always hoping that one day the 8 of us can put aside everything and meet up for one more time. But then again, who am I kidding. I can't even bring the 4 of us back together, what's more 8 of us. But anyways that's not the point.

The point is yes no doubt I'm sadden by the fact I lost another friend, but I guess I have learnt to accept the fact that nothing is forever. And I'm really feeling alright, at least I didn't felt as bad as the other time. I just need some time to think. Thanks to those who asked and talked to me. I guess this is another point in life that I have to go through.

Goodbye, again.

5 June

Sunny day

Dear blog,
The past week has been quite hectic. And again, so many things have happened.

I got alot to say but I guess I just want to say thanks to the people who planned and was involved in my 19th birthday celebration. When I saw them I was absolutely surprised and shocked cause I didn't expect anything at all on that day. After 2 years of being able to figure something was going on before the surprise happens, I finally got surprised this year. Thanks to my classmates who were also waiting for the surprise to happen. I really appreciate everything. And thanks to the people who wished me before the day, on the day, after the day and way after the day.

The day before the friday, I decided to take time out and skip school to spend some quality time with my parents. We went to some chinese restuarant for lunch and went to sit singapore flyer after that. Then on the actual day we went to have seafood for dinner. Went home and spent 2 hours replying individually to those who messaged me. Overall the two days were great and I'm glad I didn't did anything else but spent time with my parents.

Time flies, so fast its been a year and I'm 19 already. I guess I really have to focus and think about what I want to do from now on. And to stop being dependent on people, physically and emotionally, really. I feel like hitting myself very hard for falling for the same trick twice. It sucks.

I'll end off by posting a photo taken on that very day.

I think I'm going to take another break again. I thought after coming back from my rest I would feel recharged and continue, and maybe things would be better. Things are slightly better now but still, not really better. I guess I feel kinda burnt out by everything and that something happened which kinda affects me. Two incidents. I feel like there's nothing much to keep me staying.

I know all these doesn't make sense but what matters is that its good enough I understand.

Ben.

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you

Just a normal and simple guy leading a normal and simple life. A Gemini born on 29 May and is 26 this year. Likes to reminisce about the past and wonders what could he have done differently, and now looks forward to the future to see what will it bring. So tell him if you can invent a time travel machine or have already invented one.

2006: 12
2007: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12
2008: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12
2009: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12
2010: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
2011: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.
2012: 01. 02. 06. 07. 09. 10. 11. 12.
2013: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 07. 08. 09. 11. 12.
2014:02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 11. 12.
2015: 03. 04. 05. 10. 11. 12.
2016: 01. 12.