Dear blog,
I want to talk about something that's been keep popping up in my mind lately. To be honest I have always been thinking about this since I don't know when but just that recently quite a few stuffs happened which triggered me to think even more, and made me realised somethings.

And this matter is, relationship, or girls as a matter of fact. I'm a only child and since young I've learnt how to cope with loneliness, playing alone and all that stuff so as a result I grown to be quite an independent person. Able to eat alone, watch movie alone or whatever things you think its normal for two person or more doing it, I can do them all alone. But I don't deny the fact that deep inside I always wanted a company, someone special, or like most people call it, the other half.

I'm 21 years old already and I haven't had a girlfriend before (I'm not joking). I think its really funny also since judging by the modern times now I'm not surprised that even kids can get attached at a young age such as 13 or even younger (I heard of cases). I told this to some close friends before, not that I think I'm really good looking or I look down on certain people but, sometimes when you're on the streets and you see some people that's not really "lookable" has a partner, you'll start to really wonder what is wrong (you have to admit you do it too). I remember before enlisting I kept having this thought but decided to just leave it to fate. However recently a few incidents happened which made me think hard about what I'm doing.

I confess, I have quite a few good female friends and that I go out with them quite abit too every now and then. But sadly, I have never past the stage of being more then best friends, close friends, or even brother (be it elder or younger brother, I always hated this the most) to them. Though there were good moments together throughout some of the journeys but somehow things always ended up nothing in the end.

I miss the days when I do stupid stuffs for the person I like. For instance waiting at the void deck or walking around the person's place so that I might have a chance to bump into her, not sleeping at all and just waiting for her reply the whole night, trying to ignore and make her angry at me cause I felt that she shouldn't like me and all sorts of other stupid stuffs. I miss doing all these even when you know that its stupid yet you feel happy doing them. And though right now I really feel like doing a stupid thing but I also don't want to do the wrong thing and get too close to friends who are already attached. I still know what's right and wrong.

I never thought that I would talk about all these here but kinda glad that I did. Now I feel kinda better after writing down the thoughts which I kept thinking about for sometime. Anyways as for now I guess I'm just going back to do what I've been doing all these while, which is to wait for that special person to come along and appear in my life. And I'm sure the day will come.


Ben.